Bellport Country Club Golf Trip

  • Brit we hope you don't hit the ball like shit!
  • I can't believe Hope took all my money!
  • Jimmy taking another Selfie!
  • Brit Loves Cock!!
  • BC = Bellport Champ!
  • You like my titties!
  • I look as fat as Hope!!
  • Larry smells like shit!
  • Look I'm taller then my bag!


An annual buddies golf trip always seems to be a time for good friends old (Brit) and young, to get together for some friendly competition and the occasional trash talking.  This year will be no different.  We have some returning, and some newbies.  We had to ditch a few for their dislike for frozen yogurt etc…  Let’s recap….

Last year, Billy “The Hustler” Hope did just that.  He managed to win so much money, that children in Africa have him to thank for the meals they have received.  (I mean, the guy basically robbed 6 golfers and Brit of every penny they had.)  Where was I, oh yes!  This year may not be The Hustlers year.  You may be asking yourself, why?  If Hustler won some much cash last year, he will surely do the same.  Well gentlemen, The Hustler seems to have a real handicap this year.

Next we have Brit.  Last year, “Hairy Balls” had a pair of tits, a penis on his chest, and hit his driver and 3-wood like shit (see pictures above).  Not to mention, the Amityville grad did a swan dive into a 3 foot deep pool (dumb ass)!  Then there are the hairy balls.  He actually contemplated using Nair to remove the hair from his nuts (To bad, his nickname probably would have been something like Brit “The Gonad” instead).  This year “Hairy Balls” is sure to bounce back.  I mean, he has nowhere to go but up, right?

Then, there is Angry Matt.  This crazy fucker actually punches himself in the face when he hits a bad shot!  Furthermore, reports indicate that he tried to fight a swan that was too close to his ball.  Last year, he nearly grabbed an alligator by the tail before wisely deciding to throw a golf ball at it instead.  With the proper medication, Angry Matt should be a non-issue this year.  Oh, and by the way, Matty boy has a real handicap this year as well!

Another returning member is, the one and only, Jimmy “The Not-so-pro” Von Eschen.  He has acquired his hard earned nickname by actually playing to a 2 handicap this year.  But, I guess if you can’t get the ball airborne, you need all the shots you can get.  Last year, Not-so-pro didn’t do much other than have sex with “Hairy Nuts’” driver and 3-wood, EPIC!  This year, Jimmy is sure to be one of the steadier players in the bunch.

Returning again this year is Hollywood! Joe “Hollywood” Dabrowski had some issues last year in the airport.  After speaking with him, his only comment was, “What an ASSHOLE!”  Hollywood and Hustler were mainly to blame for Hairy Nuts’ unfortunate Kodak moments.  This year, look for more of the same.  After all, that’s why they call him Hollywood, he always brings the entertainment!

Now for the newbies!

Joining us this year, who is sure to bring some on course entertainment, is none other than, Charlie “The Chopper” Vallillo!  Chopper is known for his technically sound club throwing abilities, Olympic worthy!  Choppers clubs have been known to pop up on aviation radar screens.  Charlie is poised to have a great trip, as long as his first hole goes well.  Look out field, for low flying objects, as well as, Choppers ability to hit a hybrid worthy of a PGA Tour pro!

Next, we have Mike “The Wrench” Rau, a seemingly low key individual who is just out to enjoy the fresh air. Wrench is definitely the odds on favorite this trip, with his ability to maintain his composer.  However, look for him to miss every meaningful putt dead in the hole, but inches short.  And when he does, he will seem surprised and say, “Are you kidding me!”  Hit it harder Wrench!

Lastly, Jim “The Spruce Goose” Dowd, the Goose gets his nick name from his flying days.  Goose is getting more strokes than an E.R. during a heat wave.  Therefore, Goose should have a very successful trip.  However, when this guy putts, it looks like he is in a midget tossing contest.  If the goose can fix the putting woes, he may be coming home a wealthy man!

Bellport CC Golf Trip CHAMPION 2014 LAS VEGAS ODDS 

  • Mike “The Wrench” Rau                                 3-1
  • Jim “The Spruce Goose” Dowd                    3-1
  • Charlie “Chopper” Vallillo                            3-1
  • Billy “Hustler” Hope                                        9-2
  • Matt “Angry” Kloss                                          7-1
  • Joe “Hollywood” Dabrowski                        11-1
  • Jimmy “The Not-so-pro” Von Eschen       9-1
  • Brit “Hairy Balls” Lawlor                                15-1


What the experts are saying…

  • “I think Jimmy might be the biggest sore loser, cry baby. Call the wambulance for him when he loses. He’ll be crying, “these shots are bull shit.”    – GOLF Magazine

    “I think the Hustler will win more money than anybody. For some strange reason he always seems to play his best when the money is on the line. I wonder what his real handicap is?”  – Jack Nicklaus

    “Mike ‘The Wrench’ Rau is the odds on Favorite this golf trip. He is so calm out on the course and will come out on top if he doesnt leave all his putts short or maybee he will choke like I did as captain at the Ryder Cup” – Tom Watson

    “Jim Dowd will get the most shots out of the group but he’s not playing from the gay tees with Curley, Vito and Neil Smith. He’s playing from the Big Boy tees with real men! Good Luck Jim”    – Brandel Chamblee- Golf Channel

    “Brit Lawlor might be the worst chipper in the history of the game not counting Crimmins of course.”   – Tiger Woods



    • Awards and Accolades

    2013 Champion

    Bill “The Hustler” Hope

    – He won everything and anything. His record will never be matched.

    – Bill won every match, every blind draw, and Crazy 18.

3 thoughts on “Bellport Country Club Golf Trip

  1. I love my chances to repeat as Champion. I won last year in EPIC fashion.. Good luck suckers and bring lots of $$$$$$$

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